a few weeks from now.. im gonna turn 15.. a year older.. a year wiser?.. a year stronger.. im about to pass 14 years of my life already.. but do i deserve to turn another year older.. do i act like im growing .. that im being more mature?.. i dont think so.. coz i feel like im being more like a kid.. that im seeing things hella different now.. but at least i knew along the way.. that there's more special things in store for you for as long as you continue living it.. that doing stupid things are not worth anything.. and not gonna do you any good.. i also learned that in life.. people come and go.. and it's not unusual for them to hurt you so bad that you wanna kill yourself.. but you wouldn't see the light until you compose yourself together again and continue living.. and along the way.. there's gonna be alot of people that actually cares for you but you just wouldn't know because your heart is still with the person who tried to steal your life and being.. but no matter what happen.. life is unpredictable.. we should be prepared for anything that would happen.. because nobody knows what will happen the next second in your life.. and i learned also that no matter what.. keep your strength inside.. be strong.. stand with your feet on the ground.. dont let anybody carry you through your journey.. learn to walk your own path.. and when you get lost you're the only one who can get yourself back in the track.. finish the race of life.. don't give up.. coz giving up wouldn't make you successful:D

days from now it'll be our anniversary.. one year of survival here in america.. well.. i think there's really a reason why i came here.. maybe it's to fix somebody's life.. to fix flaws and misunderstandings.. maybe it's to prove who's real or not.. who'll stay with me though im far.. who'll be there to try to make me smile:D i think it's not that bad that i moved it's just that it still feels different if you are in your own country and with your friends..:D but still there are regrets.. but i can say that they're not that many as the regrets i had when i was only months long here.. i have learned to live with it.. and make good use of what i have right now.. all the opportunities and stuff..:D but still i miss you all=(


thank you jb!:D for making me cry and smile today.. lol:D


i was talking to my friend earlier on our pe class.. coz i wasn't in the mood to play so we just talked about girl stuff.. and she just made me miss people that touched my life..


and to tell you.. i can't sleep straight.. it'll always be like after an hour or two.. i'll wake up then stare and sleep again.. then wake up.. and yeah.. there's something that keeps me from sleeping.. something that i thought i was done with it.. but i was wrong.. i was just denying it all along=(




"this is not your ordinary love..
i was not prepared enough to fall so deep in love=("

this is my poem for art.. i wrote this on my lunch break..


MIRROR OF THE PAST


In the middle of the night,
I saw myself in front of the mirror staring,
Looking beyond the eyes of innocence,
The eyes that are now blinded by the agony of life,
Then I saw a girl dying, gasping for air, asking for help,
Her heart is shattered, broken, and crushed,
Her hands are kept still and tied,
But then I was stopped when I saw the spark of light behind me,
The light that brought back my sanity,
The awareness to the reality of life


it's just random thoughts put up together.. lol:P im kinda planning to look for a song that matches the message of the poem..:D

i have not blogged for quite a while.. so here are some stuff that happened to me..


MARCH 3


i went to San Jose State University (SJSU) to compete in Geometry.. and yeah.. i lost.. i wasn't part of the top 15 of the geometry participants.. but i must say.. i tried my best its just that the questions are hella hard for me.. and there was no training.. so yeah.. it came as a surprise to me.. uhm.. i won a rubik's puzzle because he picked my name for the door award.. at least i have a remembrance from the contest.. our school is the 9th place out of 25 i think.. for me that's not that bad because they were 13th place last year..:D there was this school, Harker.. all of their representatives are in middle school.. there was this girl who won the Calculus event and she is an 8th grader..lol:D but i was kinda sad the whole day because of that.. it's not that i was expecting or wanting to win.. it was just that.. it kinda pulled my confidence back to 0 again.. like i feel that im not good enough.. that i should have not represented the school.. so yeah.. i was really down that day.. =(


MARCH 4


we had our holy supper at church.. i attended the last one and i had a whole new outfit for that day..lol:P i bought a striped dress.. gold, blue, brown.. its halter.. then bought brown stilettos.. and a brown bag.. lol:D we ate japanese food for dinner:D


MARCH 10


my sister's birthday.. my uncle visited us.. we went oakridge in the morning then i went to church at 3pm.. we had our little meeting.. and its hecka fun though not a lot were there.. it was hecka fun.. we talked about ideas for our posters and it was interesting.. i think that was one of the few days that we had accomplished a lot while havin fun.. coz sometimes we just talk about it the bam! we're done.. sometimes we're so serious..so yeah.. i think that was one of the few meetings that i really liked.. then we went king egg roll for merienda.. we crossed the street and all of them were like looking at us.. coz we were all wearing formal clothes and we were a lot like less than 20.. it was fun though.. we occupied like 2 long tables in king egg roll.:D i love the avocado shake.. i didn't let ate giselle pay for my food and the foods of 5 more people.. i paid for all of em.. just because im shy.. coz she always.. like always except for that one.. paid for our foods.. so yeah..:D we had our choral practice.. and its hella fun.. the songs are so nice.. and i like the last part.. coz they were doing the human beatbox.. and it was sick.. like hella tight.. i was gonna record it but my battery went empty..=(


MARCH 11


we celebrated my sister's birthday in aunt grace's house.. and it was kinda fun though there wasn't a lot of people.. but surely a lot of food.. lol:P they didn't adjust their clocks yet to an hour forward.. so were all just chillin.. but poof.. we went home 1030 already.. and i still have stuff to do.. so i slept at 12.. forgot to alarm my phone.. and so did my parents.. so my dad woke me up at 645.. and my class starts at 720.. haha:D


MARCH 12


IT'S HECKA HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
i wasn't really late.. but right after i changed, they locked the locker rooms.. then we ran the mile.. and it was soooooooo hooooooooooot.. that i was all sweaty after.. its nasty though coz i have 5 more periods to go..so i had to take off my undershirt..lol:P so my whole attire was ruined because of that friggin mile run..
and now im gonna sleep.. coz i dont wanna be late again:D






"is it too late to let you know?!"